“I’m Married to Don Quixote”

When I was a boy my Dad had a 9” tall wooden statue in his office of Don Quixote, The Man of La Mancha, a dreamer of impossible dreams, who found love and beauty in his sweet Dulcinea.

I remember asking him why he had that statue and he’d break into song,

“To fight the unbeatable foe, to run where the brave dare not go, to right the unrightable wrong, to love pure and chaste from afar…to reach the unreachable star!”

As a young boy I loved that song.  I loved the story of Cervantes’ idealistic character who saw the world for what it could be.  I too reached for many unreachable stars, but my ultimate and far-fetched goal was to have some woman, of my choosing, even my own Dulcinea, someday say, “I’m married to Don Quixote”.

Problem was I didn’t have too many prospects from the start.

If you’ve heard me speak I now laugh about it, but I talk about the big mouth that engulfed my face to such an extent that the only description I heard of my physical appearance from my youngest days was, “You’re ugly”, as uttered by all girls, on the school bus, on the playground, at Church, and so on.

I related more to The Hunchback of Notre Dame than Tom Cruise in Top Gun.

And so, with the words that so harshly began to create the exterior beliefs of how I must appear to the female gender whom I so longed to love, and be loved by, I began to work on something that could perhaps overpower the Beast created by judgment and opinions of others.  Looking back now I can’t believe their rude remarks could shape my opinion of how I appeared, that I couldn’t just sing a song like Christina Aguilera and convince myself, “I am beautiful in every single way, words can’t bring me down…”  It just didn’t work that way for me.

So I began making people laugh as a way to cover my tears.

Yes, Smokey Robinson was right, “…ain’t too much sadder than the Tears of a Clown when there’s no one around…”  (and people asked me later on why I used to open my show with that song… well there you go)

I really have nothing to be sad about now.  Life turned out sweeter than I could have imagined it.

Luckily for me I wasn’t born to look like the Brad Pitt’s of the world, like the many I’ve seen waltzing around at the mall or the club in high fashion, perfect hair and tanned out, getting everything they want, women falling at their feet, empty heads and un-crafted personalities that rely on looks alone.  The same goes for women; there are even more out there that fall into this category, and eventually the truth begins to hit them that they should have worked on the inside out rather than just the exterior.

As I worked on ME, becoming the man an incredible woman would want to marry, I had a lot of learning to do.  I remember nights out with my buddies where they all picked up the girls, danced, made out, had a great time, while I danced in the corner alone working on my Michael Jackson moves.  Yes, I was a freak show, especially when I was dancing in the corner with a sequin glove, but I had a higher purpose! – I was working on ME, not the latest pick-up (and mostly because I wasn’t capable of the skill of pick-up), so I found something better to do: Reflect on what I had to offer the world with what I could do and what I could control, and then DO something about it.

I decided at a very young age that I would go out with every single girl I could in high school and thereafter.  I would go on at least one date with every shape, look, disability, or of any ability.  I would never turn anyone away, because I knew how it felt.  I would have compassion on the girls that never got asked out, I would usually be the first and only guy to ask them out, and I would make them feel like they were the most incredible woman in the world on an awesome fun night with my best attempt at being Don Quixote.

I did this because I was constantly overlooked by the girls I wanted to go out with.   I was turned down by so many I asked out.

I remember one girl I really found beautiful.  I drew a picture of her, a masterpiece portrait really, and it took me the whole summer (I actually went to a school to specialize in art in order to become an artist for Disney before I discovered I could kind of sing).  Drawing a picture of the girl I liked was my idea of romance (me and Napoleon Dynamite) – using my talents to do something for her no one else had done or could do.  I spent over 300 hours on this drawing.  It turned out incredible.  When I handed it to her after school one day she said nothing.  Actually, she said “pffffd” with a chuckle and an eye roll.  I was devastated.  I had been duped.  I was going after “the pretty girl” and didn’t bother to get to know the person, which was still immature and hollow – I guess like I was, too (later I found out that her Mother saw it in her bag, screamed, cried, and framed it where it still sits on their family mantle.  But the girl never said anything…).

From that moment on I swore I’d only go after the ‘beautiful-from-the-inside’ girls, the ones that shined through and through.  What a great decision that was.

In my twenty-first year I went on at least one date with over 100 women.  I went out with every kind of girl, no matter what they looked like, if I was physically attracted or not, just any girl with a light in her eyes that would say, “Sure, I’ll give you a chance with one date”: College co-eds, Baptists, Methodists, Jehovah’s Witness, Mormons, Catholics, atheists, widows, widows with children, 7-11 employees, Denny’s waitresses, bank managers, nannies from England, plumbers daughters, farmers daughters, even accidentally found out one was my cousin during the date (genealogy is not advised to do on a first date), secretaries, Brazilians, Buddhists, a darling down-syndrome girl, a wheelchair bound survivor, hereditary disease carrying brave-hearts, divorcees, those who had never been kissed, some who had kissed one too many, songwriters, poets, performers, dancers, Yoga instructors…you get the picture.

I went out with all kinds of women, and it was incredible to enjoy the company of so many amazing daughters of God.  I learned that all people have divine gifts, hearts of gold, and everyone just wants to be acknowledged as having lived a meaningful existence.  I learned more about myself than I can express here.

I used to come home and talk with my Mom for hours about the techniques of making a woman feel important, special, amazing, and all the while keeping myself clean and pure in order to take one special girl to the sacred house of the Lord for marriage.

The story of my courtship with my wife is too long for this already too long blog post, but I can honestly say I fought off windmills that appeared to be dragons and rode my royal steed to her rescue as I convinced the uncatchable fish to be my girl.  I set my sights too high.  She was an impossible catch.  And I see myself as trying to prove every day that I am worthy of her love and it is the greatest journey of my life.

Her name is Tami, the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard, and somehow she loves me.  All of me.  Warts and all.  We have 4 children of our Heavenly Father who has given us the chance to have them in our home.  I couldn’t ask for more.

Valentine’s Day was always a day I loved.  I used to go to Smith’s Grocery Store and buy long stem roses, then walk through the parking lot handing them out.  I’d buy vases of flowers for those I knew probably wouldn’t get them and leave them on their porch and run.

Fortunately I get to bring my wife these little gifts year-round.  No “Special Occasion”.  Just because I can and I think about it daily.

And she does the same for me, little things that make my day, making food that fills my belly, rubs my shoulders on the pew at church, sticks up for me when I put my foot in my mouth (which I believe it actually fits).  I like that she does that stuff, too.

I know for sure there are men reading this right now that are rolling their eyes at how pathetic it sounds, and yet there are more that have done the same for women throughout their lives, for their wives, and even more.

I write to the men that are still the Romantics out there.  The men that know Chivalry lives on.  The men that want to prove daily that they can conquer the world in honor of the goddess they call their wife, their daughter, their mother, the loves of their lives.

I write for young boys to know that if you allow others to create your own self-perception while you’re young, that it will never go away.  I still think of myself physically with the words I so painfully took in from others.  Even when my wife says I’m handsome I don’t believe her.  But I know that she sees me for who I am and who I’m trying to be, and I really know that I have become a beautiful person inside, or at least I’ve tried really hard to become that.  I pray for the young men that want to be seen, noticed, loved.  I know there are so many young women out there, too, that long for the same.

To those that are struggling with self-image, depression, wondering if “The One” will ever come along, I write to you this Valentine’s Day and say:

BE THE ONE!

Become the person that is sought after.

Become the person you want to win.

Become the greatest you can be.

Don’t ever give up on the dream of living a utopian existence when all the world around you says it’s bizarre, you’re crazy, you’re not going to make it.

Become the best you can be.

Become a Beautiful Being of Spirit, of Light, of Deity that you already possess within your radiant Soul!

My heart cries out for the MEN of this world that are losing this light every day because they have settled on mediocrity, on no self-improvement or daily disciplines.

Where is the meditation? Communion with God?  Journaling and self-reflection, course correction, repentance, physical exertion, mental strength, patriarchal responsibility, and living with God’s redeeming love.

On this great day of LOVE I call out to all the Romantics within the sound of my voice (or the voice in your head as you read this) and know it’s up to you to create the Life you have, want, and live.

Is your wife today saying, “I’m Married to Don Quixote”?

“I’m married to a Man that dreams great dreams, that lives a virtuous life, that gives his all in service, that uses his talents to bless the world, who loves me unconditionally, who worships me, who stays up every night helping me put the kids to bed with a story, scriptures, prayer, and then stays up cleaning the kitchen til it’s spotless. “

How I wish I was there.  How I wish my wife said I’m accomplishing this great goal.  I don’t know if I ever will, but I know one thing – I’ll never stop trying.

I need to know what else I can do, I need to know from the great men out in the world that are living it, that are GREAT.  What do you do that sets you apart from the rest?  What do you give as a Man to your Wife that is extraordinary?  Inspire me, as so many already do, but tell me how you are The Man of La Mancha for your family.  I want to hear from the wives of these men, too, I mean especially!  What does it take to be a great husband, man, provider, in your eyes?

Rise up men.  I know you’re out there.  Let me hear your commitment to becoming the best you can be.  Women that read this, let me know you are being loved by an incredible MAN of GOD.  I know you’re out there!

We are ONE.  We are the creators, we are the dreamers, we are living the Impossible Dream.

Love you all and thank you for always inspiring me.

Jason Hewlett